My Life

This Is Not My Life, Is It?

Lonely Shadows danced on my wall,
In the distance I hear my mom’s call.
“Try not to think of him, he’s not coming”.
“Don’t be dramatic, it’s not worth running”.
“He’s chosen a new life, and you’re not a part of it,
he’s moved on and you must accept it.”
The shadows made sounds in the lonely apartment,
The mailman’s steps and his keys were a comfort,
I knew that it was him and not someone coming to harm,
Still I only wished that I was in my dad’s arms.
The days were lonely, the nights were long,
This is not where I belonged.
Days and months passed without a word,
Mom’s insistence to move on cut like a sword.
Comfort was hard to find,
Understanding was harder.
For this cause, why must I be the martyr?
Back and forth the emotions were turbulent.
Trust issues were pushed to the absolute limit.
The fighting continued, using me, the child inthe middle.
How unfair was this for her – she was and is still so little.
The tender memories fragile,
Each object from my childhood is a rare find,
How is it that I haven’t lost my mind?
If only there had been someone who understood,
Took me by the hand and led me to good.
How many years would have been spent learning, loving, and living,
Instead of hiding, lying, and coping?
I missed years of my life with my father,
And it took years to resolve the fears burdened by my mother.
There was the ultimate day that I a young lady returned,
With my childhood so far behind, to be understood I yearned.
That child was me and I am her,
He recognized me, but my childhood was a blur.
It took years to fully understand what happened,
And years more for him to know who I’ve become.
We can’t change the past, it can’t be un-done.
If I’d only had a person to find me,
If I’d only had a person to giuide me,
If I’d only had someone who understood,
Who would fight for my rights and return me to good.
There is no end to the feelings you have in this kind of life,
No matter what you become; sister, mother, wife.
One foot in front of the other, this is the only way,
For there was no one there for the burdens to lay.
Don’t let this be the cycle of normality,
Find us, bring us home, and abandon us too,
Don’t push us aside and think that we’re ok,
We’re not ok, and we can prove it to you,
Don’t let those of us with these stories be a number in a report,
These are our lives, our memories, and our resort.

– by Take Root member Jen
read Jen’s abduction narrative